He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
