OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
