dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
