He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
