69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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