Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
