i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
