I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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