Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
