At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
