every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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