Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
