I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
