At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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