you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
