I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
