I got chris browned last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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