So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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