The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
