I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
