didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
