WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
