After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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