i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
