Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
