Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
