Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
