is your mom at the bar?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
