I wish I could teleport
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
