Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
