i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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