:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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