i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
