I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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