So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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