It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
