I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
