If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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