Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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