My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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