Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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