Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
