bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And then he peed in my hair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
