Don't make out with my wife yet
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
