when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
