Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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