you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
