Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
