Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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