My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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